Who has a story to tell? I do, I do! It was back in the days when light
was all around and the sky was hot with summers rage. I got into my pool cleaners disguise and paid a trip to the evil Dr
Yahn Gurdrass' house, pretending that I was there to clean the pool was the easy part, his wife usually "takes care" of pool
cleaners he told me. I went out to the back and my nasal passages imediatly sensed danger, the strong stench of chlorine was
in the air, i quickly got on with cleaning the pool. Suddenly I realised that the evil doctor was standing right behind me,
I turned round expecting my life to be in danger but no, I was mistaken. Instead the doctor was holding a silver tray, on
it were two audio cassettes, I recognised them instantly as "We Did It For The Kids" and "Spilltalica", the two tapes that
i had previously posted via his door postage slit. Again I thought the game was up, fortuantly he had no idea I was involved
with the tapes, he took me inside and told me of how the tapes had changed his life.
"These tapes have changed my life." He said, then he conected himself
to the interweb and started to show me pictures of dead dogs, I felt sick to the stomach, he told me of how he had a dog once
but he had drowned it in chlorine.
"I had a dog once but I drowned it in chlorine." He said, then he went
on to say that if he was ever allowed another dog he would suffocate it in a box made of lead.
"If they ever allow me to have another dog then i'll suffocate it in
a lead box." It was at this point in my tale that his wife came in from the kitchen carrying a tray stacked to the high heavens
with scotch eggs wrapped in gold foil to give the illusion of Ferrero Rocher. Of course I fell for it damn it. As I bit down
into the snack I knew I'd just blown my cover, the doctors wife lunged at me with a red hot fire poker, I was able to parry
the blow with plate of scallops that Dr Yahn keeps by the tissue box. My eyes scanned the room for a weapon that would cause
semi permanent damage possibly death, I happened on flask of lemon barley that Yahn had made himself. The witch lunged at
me again but this time I was ready, I opened the contents of the flask into her face, double strike for the barley was piping
hot, I had not realised that this was a thermos, thank god for thermos I thought. Then it struck me, the evil doctor had not
moved from his seat the whole time, as his wife lay screaming in a puddle warm liquid and hot lemon barley, I stepped over
her and made a swift exit via the bay windows. I had learned little from my visit to the other side save the fact that you
should always drink your lemon barley piping hot.