10:06 Most of the housemates are up. Paul Daniels was seen to take his toffee apple into the bathroom, where he has been for nearly an hour. Jimmy Saville and Chris Evans are cooking breakfast of Bloody Marys and porridge. Dawn French and Chris Eubank are in the treehouse playing tic tac toe and discussing Jeremy Beadle. Beadle is still in bed.

 

10:48 Beadle is up and the housemates sit down to breakfast. Daniels emerges from the bathroom with the toffee apple up his sleeve. The housemates disuss their feelings of the first group challenge which will be announced later today.

 

12:30 The housemates are called into the lounge for the first task. They are to form a chain and keep a continuous chian of leapfrogging for an hour, with no breaks. The challenge is to start at 3. Dawn French immediately enters the journal room and pleads for exemption with Big Mouth for medical reasons. Big Mouth said no.

 

1:17 Saville and Beadle are in the toilet. They have been exchanging dirty looks all morning.  As Beadle is leaving the bathroom Saville runs up behind him and pushes him face first to the living room floor. He is seen muttering "That's only the beginning fat boy..."

 

2:30 Paul Daniels attempts to relieve the tension ahead of the task by performing a disappearing trick using a banana and his trousers. The housemates look unimpressed.

 

3:00 The housemates line up in the garden in height order, and on the klaxon, they commence leap frogging. Paul Daniel's is the first to complete the run

 

3.33 As Beadle is running to the back of the queue, Saville intentionally puts out his foot and trips him. Beadle falls into the chain onto Judy Finnegan who also falls over. The entire line collapses domino fashion. All the housemates get up and start accusing Beadle of messing up the first challenge. Beadle runs to the bedroom in tears, as Daniels is heard telling Greer that he "fucking hates that fat bastard" Judy Finnegain is in pain with a twisted ankle. She reports to the Big Mouth doctor. Saville lights up a cigar and coverses with Evans.

 

6:34 Judy has been diagnosed with a fracured tibia. Evans is looming her a cast out of pink nylon. Saville, Daniels, Eubank and Jordan are playing poker, and Jordan is £250 up. She seems to have a natural poker face. Greer checks on Beadle in his bedroom, but he has sneaked over to the treehouse where he is caressing his face with the child's mitten. He looks like a wreck of a man.

 

9:25 All the housemates except Beadle are drunk after drinking their remaing 8 cases of wine. Judy is painting Saville's face as a tiger, and Evans and the other housemates are involved in a conversation on plastic surgery. Jordan is winning all the arguments, she seems to really come out opf her shell. Beadle is seen sneaking over to Saville's bunk.

 

9:34 Jeremy Beadle has found Saville's urn, containing his beloved mothers ashes. Beadle removes the lid, unzips his fly and proceeds to urinate into the urn, laughing to himself. He is wearing a boxing glove on his withered hand.

 

10:29 Saville and Jordan are cuddled up on the sofa as the housemates watch Dawn French demonstrating her skills with a plastic hula hoop. She had previously demonstrated that she could remove her bra without taking her shirt off. This is an embarassing situation for all involved. Evans is called to the journal room.

 

12:08 Judy Finnegan and Chris Eubank are passed out in the hot tub. Jordan is seen telling Saville that she finds him "irrestible with that tiger face paint." Chris Evans finds Daniel's toffee apple and sticks it to the ceiling in the kitchen. Paul goes mad and is seen jumping to get it for an hour as Evans falls about laughing on the floor.

 

3:08 All the housemates are unconscious. Jordan is asleep in Saville's bed....